I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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