i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
