brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
