she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
