but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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