my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
