so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
