hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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