Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
