Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
