ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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