Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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