I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
