Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
