NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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