My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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