ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize