Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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