we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
