sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
