No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.