not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?