I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...