You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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