I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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