If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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