i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
