I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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