He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
