Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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