Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
