the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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