Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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