the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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