Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
More tranny stories later!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
