dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize