omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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