it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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