well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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