I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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