nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
