Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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