the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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