i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
