at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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