My nipple is on Facebook.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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