it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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