You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
