Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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