ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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