the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
