im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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