I have demons in me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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