Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
