She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
