I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
