There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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