i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
