this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
