I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
