i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
