I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
