Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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